One day I will fall in love again.
I will meet someone willing to stay for more than just one night and he will love my hungry need and my eccentric ways of loving him.
I will love him more than I ever loved you, and he will see that I am not as broken as you thought I was, that I am the enigma he swore himself to understand.
I will be happy. I will be loved. He will understand me more than you ever did despite my sluggish ways and my unkempt priorities and he will adore all of it. He will adore all of me.
I swear, I will be loved. I will forget that you ever called me beautiful once and I will regret ever wishing you to come back because you are not what I need and you are not who I want.
I want him and he will come and he will love me just as much as I will love him.
I will be okay."
nakakalungkot lang isipin na sa panahon ngayon pera talaga ang mahalaga. Ng dahil sa pera marami ang nagkakasirasira, maraming nagaaway, maraming nagkakagalit galit. kaya sabi ko sa sarili ko kailangan ko mag sikap at maging madiskarte para di sila namomoblema sa pera. kailangan ko magtrabaho para may pang tustus sa kanila. sabi ko hindi ako mag aasawa hanggat hindi sila okay at kailangan my sarili akong ipon para di ako umasa sa magiging asawa ko someday. saka sabi ko sa sarili ko na hindi hindi namin pagaawayan ang pera dahil pera lang yan pwede pag usapan pwede gawan ng paraan pwede malusutan kesa sa pamilyang unting unti nagkakawatak watak ng dahil sa pera. di naman ako naghahangan yumaman tama na sakin yung stable lang ako pati ang pamilya ko. yung simpleng pamumuhay. kasi ako ayaw ko maranasan ng mga magiging anak ko ang nararanasan ko ngayon. sila mama at papa nagaaway dahil sa pera, kasi si mama di marunong magbudget. minsan naiisip ko na lang dapat pala di na lang ako nagaral kasi lagi na lang sila nagrereklamo na ang gastos gastos ng pag aaral ko. naiintindihan ko naman na sabihin nila di nila ako kayang pagaralin. kasi nakakarindi na din yung puro pera pera pera na lang naririnig ko. sana pala di na lang ako nagreview center, sana di na lang ako sa manila tumira para di kami nashoshort ng ganto. tinanong ko naman si papa sabi nya kaya nya may pera daw sya kaya akala ko okay na. pero hindi pala. naiintindihan ko naman kung hindi ngayon. may next time pa naman na board exam kaya ko naman magantay. di ako nagmamadali lalo kung wala naman talaga. haaay pero andito na. kaya kailangan ko makapasa sa board exam kasi para kay God at para sa pamilya ko to. sensya na naglalabas lang ako ng sama ng loob.
"When you meet someone who tries their hardest to stick by you regardless of how difficult you are, keep them. Keep them at all costs because finding someone who cares enough to look past your flaws isn’t something that happens every day."
-Midnight Thoughts (I got lucky with you)
"And if you call me at 4 am, too sad to even say hello, I will listen to your silence until you fall asleep. If you need to cry I will not wipe your tears away because you are only human and sometimes tears are as close to laughter as you can get and that’s okay. If you get sleepy I will let you drool on my arm and I won’t laugh at you if you snore too loud. If you need to yell so hard that your voice cracks and your knees fail I will hold you up and yell with you. If you get so angry you punch your hands red I will ice your knuckles and tell you that wounds heal both inside and out, and just like the cold that is harsh and burning, I will always be the warmth to soothe you and make you feel better. I will love you."
"Do you ever just get that feeling where you don’t want to talk to anybody? You don’t want to smile & you don’t want to fake being happy but at the same time you don’t know exactly what’s wrong either, there isn’t a way to explain it to someone who doesn’t already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone, people have stopped being comforting, & being alone never was. At least when you’re alone no one constantly asks you what’s wrong & there isn’t anyone who won’t take “I don’t know” for an answer. You feel the way you do just because. You hope the feeling will pass soon & that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait."
"I realized I have two options. I can either forget about everything and live happily ever after with him. Forgive and forget that he lied, continue being sweet and holding his hand. It would be perfect, no worries, secrets told, perfect right? Or. I can learn from this and eventhough it kills me to see him everyday, I’d tell myself I deserve better."
"You want me to be honest? I did love you, I loved you more than anything. I don’t care what you do now. I don’t care if you drink until you pass out. I don’t care how much you smoke. I want you to live your life without my help and we’ll see how far you get. You’re a fucked up kid, so when everything comes crashing down, don’t come to me again. I’ve been through hell these past years for you. I know you say you don’t care and that you’re doing fine, but we both know that’s a lie. You know you’ve messed everything up, you’re just too scared to admit it. You have a hard exterior, I’ll give you that. But baby, you don’t have the balls to back it up."